I Needed a Blessing

Heard this phrase on a podcast I listen to, "The Bad Broadcast"

I've been extremely overwhelmed by life lately. As my therapist indicated, I have people from all sides expecting me to over perform. I'm exhausted!

I made plans earlier this week to go to Debbie and Mark's house for a visit. Debbie was going to help me with a quick sewing project. On my drive up, I was overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, and overwhelm. I knew I needed to ask Mark for a blessing, which I did when I got there. 

Deb and Mark and I first visited for a while and got caught up on life. I asked Mark why Deb and I and the rest of my sisters feel the need to go above and beyond. His answer: "you're sick." TRUE. What to do about it? I know, but it requires a fundamental shift in the wiring in my brain ...do...be dependable...serve...don't settle for anything less than the best...expect the best...be the best. This is all flawed. It sucks the life out of me. There is no way to be perfect. I can work on letting go. 

The overwhelm sometimes causes a change in my breathing and in my sleep. 

Mark gave me a nice blessing of comfort, reminding me that my Heavenly Father knows me by name and is aware of my strengths. My heart is heavy because I have a real desire to be married. I've been divorced for 4 years now, and, if I'm being truthful, I was hopeful that my Heavenly Father had someone for me "just around the corner." I sat in the chair, quietly wondering if there is a husband for me. Mark was quiet, then said that there are great blessings in store for me and that I just need to be patient. I can do that. I feel like that is my answer regarding marriage. 

After the blessing, I told Mark about a blessing in the fall from Kamiko where he said that there is nothing my Heavenly Father can do to help me. We laughed about that, and Mark told me he had a similar impression. He did counsel me to draw close to my Heavenly Father and to immerse myself in the scriptures. 

I have since had an impression to listen to general conference talks in the morning. When I have done that, it starts my day with calm. I can also do better about morning and evening prayers and daily scripture study. Sometimes I feel like even that is too much.