It's Not the End of Your Story; It's Just the End of a Chapter

I had an interview with Elder Devn Cornish today for a potential visiting professor job at BYU. I wish I’d had a pen and paper with me to take notes. How often do you get 45 minutes one-on-one with a General Authority? He was so kind and I learned a lot from my visit with him. His job is to basically do an ecclesiastical check on candidates. 

I tossed and turned in my sleep because I was worried how I would answer a question about my family. Do I mention divorce? The reason? Well, that topic came up quickly. Elder Cornish asked me to tell him about myself, where I grew up, my family, etc. 

I told him that as of Thursday, I’m divorced after 28+ years of marriage. I told him it was an unhealthy marriage and that I was told by the spirit that it was time to get divorced. I also told him I found out Keenan is attracted to men. He said he was very sorry. He said he’s heard and seen this story many times. I told him I’ve been wondering how I can look back on the last 28 years and not be upset or feel a great loss. He said it takes time and it never goes away. He said my story isn’t over; just this chapter. He also has experience in his own family with divorce and indicated that he believes some marriages happen because Heavenly Father knows that it’s the best opportunity for us to receive those ordinances and to learn lessons we need to learn, but that they aren’t necessarily the permanent arrangement. 

Side note, after my interview, I got a text from a friend with a picture of Keenan she saw on Mutual, a dating app for members of the church. For a minute it put a pit in my stomach, but now I’m grateful she shared it with me. Good for him. Move on. I am. 

Elder Cornish suggested I read a talk by Elder Scott, titled “First Things First.” I’m going to take a look at that later today. 

We also talked about BYU’s honor code. Following the honor code out of obedience is a telestial argument. Following it because it keeps us out of trouble and on the right path is a terrestrial argument. The celestial argument for following the honor code is that the spirit is the teacher. When we follow the honor code, we put ourselves and those around us in a better place to have the companionship of the spirit. Conversely, when we don’t follow, we are rebelling, and the spirit doesn’t stick around when we’re rebellious. Elder Cornish said that he’s taught at universities before and if he were to teach physiology at BYU, he’d start the semester something like this:

“Physiology is hard. We are going to work hard to learn it. I’ve had many times when the spirit spoke to me at the bedside of a dying child and helped me better understand physiology and what could save that baby. Now let’s talk about the honor code. If we can all agree to live by the honor code as a class, we will have the spirit to help teach us. We will learn more. Can we all commit to doing that for each other?”

I told him that in the past, I have only 1 spiritual thought that I consistently do every semester and that is to share my favorite scripture with my students (Doctrine & Covenants 112:10). I mentioned that I think I may add his thoughts on the honor code as another spiritual thought that I will consistently share. 

We talked a lot about loving our students. He mentioned that the two great laws are love God and love our neighbor. They are in that order for a reason. If we mix them up and love our neighbor above God, we get things mixed up. If we stick to God’s laws first, everything falls into place because God loves His children and always does what is best for their well-being. 

That’s about what I remember. We had a really nice visit. I was able to tell him about our connection to Arkansas and that he visited Mel’s mission when she was there. I told him I love his story of praying to find a quarter so he could buy chicken on his ride home from his residency because I know of the sacrifice that our doctor family members and their families made. 

It was about 45 minutes and it was great. Now I’m back to working on my online classes for spring. I won’t get an official offer until around June and really anything can happen since things are so crazy right now, but I know it will all work out. 

Social Distancing Saturday

Honestly, today was a fantastic day.

Yesterday I got a text from Keenan in the middle of the afternoon that said "I just got the divorce email."

My heart kinda sunk and I had a pit in my stomach.

Well, that was it. Just like that. It was over and I was divorced.

It was Good Friday.

It was also a day the whole world, people of all faiths, were fasting to help lessen the effects of the corona virus.

So, it was a bit strange. Sad. Bittersweet.

Today...WAS GREAT!!!!!!!

I got up and wend walking with Annie Oswald and Corinne Howick, friends from book club. Then I went over to Allison and Allie's. Allie lives in the basement of James and Allison's house. I planned to be there just a while. We visited in the backyard. The weather was beautiful and it was so nice to be outside and to be together. Allie texted Melia and she came over. Our old neighbor, Megan Tillotson, came over for a while. We all stayed far apart from each other, sitting on blankets. There was a little Easter parade. It was basically a truck pulling a flatbed trailer in which sat an Easter bunny and kids who threw candy. It was hilarious.

We hung out until 4:30. We just talked, enjoyed the weather, and ate candy. The girls did online shopping for swimsuits. I really felt like I got a taste of what my new life will look like.

We are going to do it again tomorrow for Easter. I can't wait.

Then I came home to beautiful flowers that my family had sent me. It was so sweet of them. I hear it was Karen's idea. They smell so good.

My Divorce Flowers

Allison and Mac, Allie, and Melia

Mel got to spend time with her cat

Throwback to days before social distancing...Audrey turns 4

Cute Mac - who wouldn't want to spend time with these kiddos?

Got cookies delivered to me by one of my interns. It was on a very stressful day. What a nice treat. Thanks Brooke!

My Divorce is Final and it's Sad

Today I got the email from the court that our divorce decree had been signed. It felt sad. I know it was the right thing to do, but it still felt sad. I didn't cry. I guess I've cried enough over the years to prepare for this.

It was signed YESTERDAY, April 9, but the news came today, April 10 - siblings day and Good Friday - a day when the whole world is united in fasting and prayer for relief from the Corona Virus pandemic.

Strange times for sure. This starts a new chapter. When I got married 28 1/2 years ago, I never thought I'd end up divorced. There were many times in the last 10 years that I thought it was a possibility, but I found the strength to keep going - a new book, new insights, therapy, etc. It just became evident in the last 8 months that there wasn't a whole lot, barring a miracle, that could fix things.

So here we are, divorced. I've interviewed for a full-time position at BYU. I'm buying a townhome. Allie and I will live in it together. I have a great relationship with the kids. Mel and I meet for food about once a week. We get food and sit in our cars, with the windows down, and talk to each other. I face time the girls about every day. We've been having church together on Sundays via face time.

I talk to Kamiko and Bekki. They are doing great. I guess the next thing for me to do is change my name and let the world. know I'm divorced. Close friends know. Others may have figured it out since my pictures on social media have changed. I'll make it official one of these days.

Here's to a good Easter weekend, in spite of all of the social distancing going on, in spite of my living in my parent's basement, in spite of my recent divorce. 2020 was supposed to be my year. I'm still hopeful that it will be. I do have a lot for which to be grateful!

great kids
a great job that keeps me busy - I'm far from bored
supportive siblings
kind and supportive parents
a roof over my head that doesn't cost me much
the ability to go out and go on walks to my new place and watch the progress
friends that are there for me
my health
my brain
my education
the gospel
come follow me gospel study
temples
people working on building my house
my realtor/friend
technology
my new macbook
electricity
water
freedom
food

Miracles in Family and Consumer Sciences

I know we've had Family and Consumer Sciences miracles during this pandemic. Take, for example, the fact that our director worked tirelessly over the last 2 years (as a brand new director) to get many of our classes developed for BYU Online. My class, our consumerism class, and 2 clothing classes that I know of are online. It was a pretty seamless transition for me to take my face to face students to remote learning since I've been teaching 49 students remotely all semester. 

I will be teaching a new prep, SFL 340, starting spring. Now all instruction at BYU this spring will also be done remotely. Guess what class had already been approved to be developed for BYU Online? Yep, 340. So, as I prepare to teach, I'm working with the instructional designer and we're getting it done at break neck speed. It will be refined during the fall for a better run in the winter.

Our student teachers and interns have a HUGE project they must complete to certify. It's called the Teacher Work Sample. The project relies heavily upon student data, student work samples, and basically a regular classroom setting. This winter, for some reason, our director felt impressed to really push our students to get this assignment done by early March, even though it's wasn't technically due in the BYU system until the end of March. It would have been nearly impossible for the interns and student teachers to complete that assignment once the public schools in which they're working closed. Even the director of BYU's Education Preparation Program said how lucky our students are that we pushed them to get it done. 

Finally, our majors all take Instructional Psychology and Technology classes that they feel are a waste of time. In those classes, they learn how to set up a class for online learning, what methods work well with online learning, and how to use a learning management system. Well, our students have been an invaluable resource to their mentor teachers (many of whom are a bit older and not familiar with technology). They've been putting content online and teaching their mentor teachers how to do it. It's been amazing to watch.

Pictured here are our student teachers and their university supervisors. What a way to end the semester.

I think Natalie's name should possibly be changed to Esther. 

This is What Covid-19 Looks Like

I found this post online interesting, so I'm copying it here, then I'll describe my day grocery shopping.

Gas price at Sam's Club $1.99/gallon
Public Schools - closed until at least April 30. We're all expecting no more in-class school for the rest of the year.
Colleges - all remote learning, too.
Self-distancing measures on the rise.
Tape on the floors at stores to help distance shoppers 6 feet from each other.
Limited number of people inside stores, therefore, lineups outside the store doors, especially Costco.
Non-essential stores and businesses mandated closed. I don't know why the soda shops are still open.
Parks, trails locked up. Zion National Park closed today.
Entire sports seasons cancelled.
There was no March Madness for college basketball.
Concerts, tours, festivals, and events are cancelled.
Disney parks closed.
Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings, and even funerals cancelled or done via Zoom, where people watch from their phone or laptop.
Churches are closed
Temples are closed
No gatherings of more than 50 people, then 20, and now 10.
Don't socialize with anyone outside your home. Melia and I have met up for dinner and we eat in our cars, with the windows rolled down and talk.
Children's outdoor play parks are closed.
We are to distance ourselves from each other.
Shortage of masks, gowns, gloves for front-line workers. 4 of my sisters are sewing masks and caps for medical personnel.
Panic buying. There is a shortage of toilet paper, kleenex, clorox wipes, bottled water, hand sanitizer
Government closes nation's borders to all non-essential travel
Fines are established for breaking the rules.
Gyms and libraries are closed.
Stores have shorter business hours to allow for time to sanitize, clean, and restock.
Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of Covid-19 patients
Press conferences daily from President Trump include updates on new cases, recoveries, deaths
Government incentives to stay home
Roads aren't crowded
We wash our hands a lot, a lot, a lot and we try to avoid touching our face and/or our eyes
Factories have stopped making their usual products and are now making masks, ventilators, etc.
People wearing masks and gloves outside
Essential service workers are in danger
The pandemic was declared in the US on March 11, 2020.

Life is precious. Don't take things we dearly love for granted.

Today was a Friday. I got up before 7:00 am and did a High Fitness routine with Metta as teacher. Metta was at a dance studio in Lehi and 85 people were logged in on their computers. It was a good workout. I'm grateful for people doing this. I also go on walks. Even if I walk with a friend, we stay 6 feet apart from each other.

I showered and went to the grocery store. Reams didn't open until 9, but Smith's was open. As I entered, a worker indicated that the cart handles had been wiped down. I didn't wear a mask, but I think I'll start doing that. I roamed the store, getting what I needed, making a point to not touch anything I didn't plan to buy. I needed zucchini but a young woman was standing by the zucchini for a minute or two. I had to wait until she moved before I went closer and got mine. 6 feet apart. The store kept having an announcement over the PA system that reminded us to be mindful. I bought a lot of extra staple items because I don't plan to go back for at least another week. There was a limit of 1 box of kleenex per customer. There were no clorox wipes, which I've been looking for for a couple of weeks now. I may just go get some at work and replace them when they become available in the stores again. I got about 12 frozen dinners, chicken, ground beef, frozen vegetables, canned fruit, milk, and some cookies. You gotta have balance.

When I went to check out, I did self-checkout. I wanted to separate my items in bags according to where the items went when I got back to mom's. If the item isn't perishable and we don't need it right away, it goes in a certain bag and will go to the garage for 3 days before it goes into the house. Other items that are perishable or that we need soon come in the house, but get wiped down with clorox wipes before being put away. Things that went in the garage were bottles of bleach, kleenex, apples, English muffins, onions, mints, and gum. Things that went in the house to get wiped off were cheese, milk, canned goods for tonight's dinner, bananas, and a diet Dr. Pepper. I keep clorox wipes in my car so I can wipe down my steering wheel and other things as needed. So, it's a process to grocery shop.

From Smith's, I went to JoAnn fabric store to see if I could buy interfacing or elastic. Jenny needed some for masks. Her store is totally out. I was able to get 5 yards of interfacing and 2 packages of elastic. The store wasn't open yet, so I ran to Macey's grocery store to see if they had cilantro (yes) and clorox wipes (no). I also got more kleenex and some candy for me for conference bingo tomorrow.

Went back to JoAnn Fabrics and got the interfacing and elastic. Those cutting tables are wide and even with me standing on one side of it and the employee standing on the other side, she asked me to step back. I had not realized the yellow X on the floor was where I was supposed to stand. Oops. While at JoAnn's I had my headphones in and watched my TA Ashley get married in Texas. They were going to get married in the temple here, but that got changed. Their bishop performed the marriage and we all watched via the zoom app. I cried a little because it was so sweet. Then I went to the bank to get temporary checks printed. I went to the door and it was locked. What? There was a note that the lobby was closed. I went to the drive through and the lady was able to help me. I finally was heading home after 2.5 hours. On a normal day, it would have taken a little over an hour.

Then mom and I went through the process of sanitizing items that came into the house and leaving other items in the garage.

Kids are having fun with sidewalk chalk lately. Usually it's colorful and uplifting. I liked this sentiment. You tell 'em, kid!

Jenny made face masks for us. I feel like I'm wearing a muzzle. It's supposed to go from the nose to cover the chin. Wow. That's coverage. 

This one was posted from Leisy Miller, Annie Oswald's daughter, who lives in Northern Italy where they've been confined to their yard for weeks now. 

Bekki and Kamiko with Dottie in a photo shoot. Evidently they've been playing a lot of Monopoly, too. 

Until the DeVuyst kids understood that they couldn't get near Grandma Dana, I would visit them and stay in the driveway while they waved from the window. Now we can visit in the yard. The kids keep their distance...for the most part. 

Allison had her birthday during all of this. Mom and I went over with a banner and stood on her lawn with it to wish her a happy birthday.