Monday, August 26, 2013

BYU Education Week 2013

Since Keenan works for a division under Continuing Education at BYU, he can always get me a pass to women's conference or education week. I always have him get me the pass. Sometimes I go; sometimes I don't. This year, I went on Wednesday and Thursday. Since I had things both evenings in Provo, I stayed all day and into the evening and got home around 9:30 each night. It was great. The girls had started school on Tuesday, so I had both days free.

First day of High School for Melia and LAST first day of High School for Allie

UGH!!!!!!! It's here!

Ok, we will calm down...

Teach vs. Tell:

Do I teach or tell the Gospel? 
Tell: monologue, agreement-seeking, rescue and enable
Teach: delegate learning, encourage self-discovery

Interested: you engage others
Interesting: you talk about self

When you teach, aim for: neutral, safe, trust and respect
The most productive teachers ask questions; they don't give answers
The Savior asked questions that caused people to think and feel deeply. He was sincerely interested in their answers and rejoiced in their expressions of faith. He gave opportunities to ask their own questions and share insights.

Be more interested in WHAT is right; not WHO is right. Being right doesn't matter if the other person doesn't want to listen to you.

Seek to understand; not to download information

A manager works with things, budgets, payroll, projects, agendas
A leader works with people

Would you rather be trusted or be loved?

How to Help Youth Change/Reach Their Goals:

Alma 5:7 the ultimate key to change is the Savior
The things you try to control but can't, end up controlling you.

Help youth create new habits.
Identify habits that bring you closer to the Lord
Identify habits that pull you away from Him

Satan gets our agency when we disobey - we are in bondage D & C 10:27 (Satan's mission)

"The adversary frees us to bind us. The Lord binds us (gives us commandments) to free us."

Fixed mindset (Laman and Lemuel)
avoids failure
avoids hard things
avoids trying
Pushes back at feedback. I know
Dislikes others' success. I'm a failure. They got lucky

Growth mindset (Nephi)
uses failure as an opportunity to learn
wants hard challenges
not afraid to look foolish trying
accepts feedback
sees others' success as an opportunity to learn

Prepare kids for difficult times ahead 1N4:10 (Nephi didn't want to kill Laban)
Measure our own progress. Don't compare.

Adults should act/speak the way we want our youth to act and speak
Kids watch how I respond to adversity

How to get out of a fixed mindset:
1. Be aware
2. Remember that you have a choice
3. Replace with growth mindset

Help youth understand the Lord's timing. Most youth, in setting goals, underestimate:
1. How long it will take
2. How difficult it will be

Mormon Message: Living Beneath our Privileges

Teach kids to:
1. Aim high and be specific
2. Keep your eye on the prize. 80% of self talk is negative
3. Be positive, but real. The obstacles you face will show how badly you really want something.
4. Stop complaining. Focus on what you can control. Thoughts lead to emotions, lead to physiology, lead to performance. Put things in perspective. Be optimistic. Fight back at negative thoughts
5. Focus on the process. Avoid being overly results-oriented. Alma 37:6 (small and simple things)

Helping Your Husband Preside in Righteousness:

Harmony is being different together. 
Criticism doesn't bring change; the gospel does

The Lord takes us where we're at (Moses). Will we take our spouse where he's at?

Praise for what people ARE; not for what they DO. Do vs. Be.

Frustration comes out of unmet expectations. Clarify expectations.
Work as partners; complementing competencies
Men talk for information. Women talk for interaction.
Men bond over an activity. Women bond around conversation.

"Nothing is particularly difficult if you divide it into small jobs" -Henry Ford
A mission is short months full of long days.

If we fall short, it's because we don't value the item, we aren't motivated, or we don't have the competency.

Christ-Centered Healing:

2 N 4:11. Thou hast brought me through mine afflictions. When triggers hit, turn to God.
Thoughts can provide a saving resource to help us OR they can create additional layers of pain. 
Be mindful of negative thoughts about self, the world, the future. Recognize and eliminate negative thinking patterns that contribute to emotional distress (anxiety, depression, anger, stress, addiction).

Satan's strategies:
1. All-or-nothing thinking. instead of thinking of 0 or 10, think of a range of 0 to 10.
2. Self-blame. Instead, look at all contributors. Focus on what we can do.
3. should statements. Istead, reality check. If would be nice if..., but the reality is...; therefore, my most effective response could be...
4. mental filtering. Instead of focusing on the negative, have grateful awareness
5. Catastrophizing. Most of imagined stuff won't happen. don't jump to conclusions, mind read, fortune tell. Instead, come up with worst case, best case and most likely.

Feed your brain good food, great ideas, sociality, sunlight

Physical wellness: EASY. Eat whole, natural foods. Active lifestyle. Schedule sleep. know Y to be well.
1979 President Benson talk on "In his steps" 1974 President Benson "Do Not Despair"

The 3 P's
Perfectionism: things must be done now, to the highest standard. Instead, I can do this in chunks. Mistakes show I'm making progress. Good enough will have to be good enough.
Procrastination: I can't do this now. Maybe tomorrow. Instead, whether I like it or not, it needs to be done.
Paralysis: I can't do it. Instead, I can do this a little at a time. I can do some now and some tomorrow.

Male and Female Created He Them:

3x more neurological fibers connecting a woman's brain than a man's. 
Man's brain is compartmentalized (waffles)
Woman's brain sees everything as interrelated (spaghetti noodles)
We are designed to complement each other.

Men: rational, focused, physical power, powerful voice
Women: fluidity in brain structure, talk circles around men, aware of subtle cues

Women talk to: share feelings, emotionally bond, seek and extend support, entertain selves
Men talk to: share information, solve problems, demonstrate competence, establish hierarchy

Men see straight ahead
Women see all around

Communicating well is a sacrifice. Men: be there and listen. Women: don't unload all at once.

Historically, men and women had separate lives; not anymore. 
It's important to understand God-created differences. Love and appreciate people for who they are.

The level of misery in any relationship is equivalent to the amount of distance between expectations and reality.

We bought what the media told us. Fairytales, happily ever after

How relationships change over time. Stages of a relationship:
1. Honeymoon Stage: giving our best; but only part of self
2. Power Struggle: being true self. Resolved by: divorce, emotional disconnect or move on to #3
3. Conscious Marriage: work with differences. Re-ignite honeymoon stage. Love and be loved by the whole person.

Hormonal transition over a woman's lifetime:
1. Estrogen: teen years
2. Oxytocin: bonding hormone. Mothering years. 
3. Midlife: estrogen decreases. Oxytocin decreases. Testosterone: who am I? What can I contribute?

The CORE of Trust:

Compassion
Openness
Reliability
Expertise

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." - President David O. McKay
Trust is built through interaction:
Frequent
Personal
Positive
Low Risk

Why the creation in the temple?
Creating takes time, planning and effort. You can't skip steps or rush the process.

It's not what you say or do, it's who you are.

Matthew 26:20-22. Lord, is it I? When there are trust or communications issues, could it be me? or how can I improve things? "I can see how I'm contributing and this is how..."

blind spots: something others know about me, but I don't know about myself

People naturally seek to reduce vulnerability and uncertainty

Artificial harmony doesn't equal trust

Low trust relationships: little things become big things.

Cannot rush into high trust. If you have to push a conversation, the trust level isn't there.

State opinions honestly and respectfully. Most people don't really want to get their way; they just want to be heard.

Reward voluntary confession.

reliability = predictability

You don't have to be the best; be consistent

Moments of negligence are damaging. Normal reactions to a violation of trust are:
1. fear
2. depression/anxiety
3. humiliation/anger
4. health problems
Broken trust can leave permanent scars

Creation of new rules doesn't help re-build trust; it communicates distrust
Create rules in a non-emotional environment BEFORE events happen

Listen to Elder Holland's "Remember Lot's Wife"

Are Emotions Derailing Your Results?:

Must handle emotions first in conflict resolution. Negative emotions can cloud thinking.

Don't take the "low road":
reactive
unintentional
unconscious
irrational
reactive/protective

"high road":
proactive
intentional
conscious
rational

emotional reaction or defensiveness must be defused. when people are hot:
1. rationality is absent
2. meaning is masked
3. conversation goes nowhere

A person's emotion speaks volumes about them
Emotional reaction signals that a value has been violated

To defuse negative/hot emotions:
1. notice emotion
2. surface and reframe thinking: state emotion, observe your thinking, select the positive
Your emotions are a bridge to self understanding
3. change your emotion by changing thinking and movement
4. EASE the conversation. Emotion (tone, non-verbals), Stories (events, judgments, history), Aim (wants, expectations) or intention, Ego (how we esteem ourselves, image, respectability)

Ask questions:
I can see you're upset (emotion)
What's going on? (story)
What do you want? (aim)
What is most important? (ego)
This forces people out of low level thinking.

ABC's: apologize, build ego, clarify intent. Be honest and sincere.


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Kamiko Turns 20

August was a good month. Kamiko turned 20. Wow. 20! We had his favorite cake, chocolate chip pound cake and he got some presents. He got a new tie, dress shirt and money to buy some vans. We also ordered pizza from Papa John's. He's like his mommy; we both love pizza! Kamiko is a great kid. I like how fun he is to be around. I like that he's kind to his sisters. I like that he's a good worker at his jobs. He is currently surrounding himself with good friends and I love that. Here's to a great year for him! I do hate his tank tops that he wears, though.







Sometime around his birthday, before school started, the kids and I went up to Salt Lake City just for fun. Kinda last minute because Keenan was working late. We went to Trader Joe's to buy a few items, then had pizza at The Pie. It's a place right by the campus of the U. Wow, is it good pizza! I actually thought the pizza had a bit too much cheese (if that's even possible). The cheese bread was fabulous. It was fun. Then we went to the Gateway to shop a bit. The kids all indulged in shave ice. It was a fun, spontaneous trip.



I REALLY like this picture! Allie as the Statue of Liberty


Below are some random pictures we took to make Jenny jealous. I went with Karen to get Sam and we swam a bit and hung out before heading back to Utah County. Jenny was stuck at YW camp, so we had to let her know we were having fun while she was roughing it.
Me, sitting by the pool

Emily Sykes, Karen and me...Selfie

This is the box from a pizza that Sam, Andrew and a few friends ate. Wow! To be a teenage boy!

Where's the Road?

That was the name of our team for the Ragnar Trail Relay in Snowbasin. We ran that thing last weekend and I haven't put on my running shoes since. Partly because I haven't wanted to run and partly because they were so dirty and disgusting. I didn't want to ruin another pair of nice, white socks.

These shoes have seen better days!
It all began a few months ago when Doug East sent out an email to family, inquiring if anyone would like to participate. We had discussed running a Ragnar relay at family reunions in the past. Keenan and I were in! What appealed to me on this one was that we ran trails and got to camp together, instead of running on roads and having to shuttle around in 2 vans. I'd never run trails, but it sounded like a good challenge. So, after weeks of planning and more money than one should pay to be in a race, we gathered last Friday for our adventure. Our team was Doug, Scott and Andrew Sykes, Karen Crockett, me and Keenan, Shauna Crockett (Karen's sister-in-law) and Cristina Carreno, a friend of Shauna. Jenny Sykes and Kristen East came as our "support staff." They took pictures and kept us company. Kris was our team volunteer. Each team needs one. She worked the information booth from 2:30-6:00 am.
Back Row: Shauna, Keenan, Scott, Andrew, Doug (team captain, aka: boss),
Front Row: Karen and me. Cristina hadn't arrived yet.
We never were all together again until the end. Someone was always on the trail.

Doug and Scott got to Snowbasin first, with our accommodations. Scott brought his trailer that sleeps 13. Keenan and Karen and I got there around 10:30 am. We set up camp, complete with shade canopy, chairs and inflatable twin mattresses. We had a sweet set-up...probably the biggest footprint of any camp. Most teams camped in another location - a dry, shade-free hill on Snowbasin's property. We were in the parking lot, along with about 12 other campers. There were about 105 teams that participated, so we were part of the lucky few who had a camper. The only down side to where we were was the camper nearby that chose to power itself with the loudest generator we'd ever heard. It hummed all afternoon and into the evening until officials told them to turn it off for "quiet hours."
Relaxing and enjoying camp

Allison in Hawaii requested a pic of her dad, so we took this selfie - Karen, me and Doug

Team "Where's the Road" sponsored by Myomed. Thanks for the canopy, Sandy Hewlett.

All, except Cristina, arrived by 1:00 or so. (Cristina had to come later because of teacher meetings. School started the following week). We sat around, talked, swapped strategies, etc. until our start time at 2:30. We also attended the mandatory "safety briefing." This told us what to do if hurt or in case of a run-in with wildlife. The race itself was simple in concept. 8 runners. Each run the same 3 legs, but in different order. There was a red loop (hard), a yellow loop (medium) and a green loop (easy). When it's your turn to run, you go the the transition tent, where the previous runner will be coming in. You trade a belt, with the team number on it and begin your leg. 24 legs total. About 14.5 miles/runner. Doug had a spreadsheet to help us determine approximately when runners would be coming in. The Ragnar staff also had an electronic board that let us know when our runner was .5 miles out.

The location was great! We were really grateful to have access to Earl's Lodge with clean bathrooms, couches, drinking fountains, etc. Outside of the lodge was "the Village," where everything went on. The transition tent was there. The Ragnar Arch that you run under after each leg was there. There was a DJ, playing music, then a live band at times. There was water, porta-potties, vendor tents, information booth, sports massage therapists, etc. It was really neat. I'm glad we decided to do it and I'm sure it couldn't get any better than that one because we were with family and we had a camper and even a 100-gallon tank of water for rinsing off after each leg.

Me and my sisters. Kris, me, Jen and Karen. Two Ragnarians and two support staff.

Ready to go. We had a lot of fun with our tattoos

Karen and me under the Ragnar Arch: Pre-race. Still smiling.

At 2:30, we all gathered to see Andrew start us off. We were pumped and ready to go. Andrew started with the green (easy) loop. It was just over 3 miles. He came back in about 30 minutes and was not happy about it. He had a side cramp the whole 3 miles and told us how hard it was. Uh oh. He was our young runner. The rest of us were old. Shauna went next. Shauna is up for anything...any physical challenge. She is awesome. She's not the fastest runner, but up for anything. She had the yellow loop. It's over 6 miles. She plugged away and did it. I always ran after Shauna. I was up next. I was first in our team to run RED - the hard one. I was not looking forward to it. All runs began with the same challenging hill. I began jogging up it, but quickly transitioned to a walk. Red was 2.2 miles uphill and 2.2 miles downhill. Literally up, then down. I felt like I had never run before. Nothing could have prepared me for that. I am not a mountain goat. I am a 46-year old lady. I had to walk a lot of it. When I finally reached the downhill, it was awesome, because it was all downhill. I was glad red was ending. I did trip over something along the straight path and fell on the dry, dusty trail. It made me look tough. I was the first on our team to fall!
Runner #1 Andrew Sykes!

2:30 teams lining up

Andrew (without shirt) starting us off. Ready...set...Ragnar!
It took me about 75 minutes to run the 4.4 miles. Crazy, huh? I usually run about an 11 minute mile pace. I had finished the hardest run. Yeah! All of us, but Karen, were quite surprised at the difficulty of our first runs. This was not going to be easy! I had yellow next...at about 2:00 am. I wasn't looking forward to running for over an hour in the dark. In fact, I was dreading it. We had dinner, provided by Ragnar, rested, visited, saw more runners off, and tried to sleep. Andrew woke me when Shauna took off so I could prepare to run when she got back. He had just finished a great run and was excited about that. He loaned me Scott's waist light and I had my headlamp. I was off. My strategy was to walk the uphill until red and yellow break off from each other, then run when the down hill for yellow started. It was lovely. I loved it. It was rolling hills, I think. I can't be sure, because I could only see in front of me. I ran through a couple of meadows. I wasn't scared and really enjoyed the cool, quiet night. I did get lost at one point, but quickly backtracked and found my mistake. The trails were well-marked and they had told us how to recognize if we had gotten off the trail. I just missed an arrow in the dark. That one was over 6 miles and took me an hour and 40 minutes. I visited with Kris a bit. She was in the middle of her volunteer shift, then I went back to bed.

Took this selfie near the top of RED. Texted to Kris..."Slow and hard"

Found my Weight Watchers friends, sisters Maggie and Annie. All of my running adventures started at WW. When I heard members talk of marathons, etc., I decided I could do hard things, too.

Yep, I fell!

Cristina, Karen and Shauna outside of the Lodge. Karen enjoys her pasta meal.

Me on my night run. 

I probably got about 5 hours of sleep total. When I awoke, I had a light breakfast and prepared to run green later in the morning. I only had the "easy" one left. In the night, they had to make plans to adjust the rest of the race. They had also decided that in the future, they would NOT do the red loop again - JUST TOO HARD. This is the first year for Trail Ragnars and only the 2nd one all together. The first was at Lake Tahoe. They also underestimated how long it would take everyone to run the trails. Many teams, including ours, needed to double up runners. That meant that since Keenan and I had our green leg left, we ran it together. Doug and Scott did yellow and Karen and Cristina did red. Green was hard. The only easy thing about it was that it was 3-ish miles. It had just one too many steep hills. I didn't like it at all! It was the general consensus that yellow was the crowd favorite. I learned a valuable lesson on this adventure. When I saw my friend Maggie, we were discussing our experiences. I admitted that I swore under my breath and out loud a couple of times. She said she swore a bit and prayed. I need to be more like Maggie. I need to pray when it gets hard; not swear. I'm a work in progress.

The "charging station" at our camp. In the trailer. Notice Doug's laptop where all data was entered after each leg.

Good morning to our awesome volunteer, Kris.

Jen, Kris and Scott

And...DONE!

Ragnar socks

Ragnar feet

In our awesome shirts, waiting for Cristina to come so we could all finish together.

Ragnar medal, I love you!

We all joined and ran together through the Ragnar Arch and to the transition tent. It was great. We had team shirts that Scott had ordered. They were green and I love it.

So, I have my Ragnar t-shirt, my team shirt, my Ragnar medal and my Ragnar sticker and I have great memories of doing something REALLY DIFFICULT with family and friends that I love. It was worth it. I don't think I'll do it again, but we did it. It took us 27 hours and 20 minutes. Wow! After we were done, we packed up and headed home. Karen really wanted a JDawg hot dog, so we drove to Orem to get a JDawg. We got to bed at a decent hour and slept well. I was stiff in the morning for church and stiff for a couple of days, but I am a Ragnarian.

P.S. All decided that if there were a "next time," the team name should be "They told me this was a 5 Crowns Tournament."I will be a member of the support staff for that one.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Fun in Park City

For about the 4th time, mom and dad arranged for a family reunion at the Marriott Mountainside Resort in Park City. It was a blast. We were there Wed afternoon through Sat morning. Melia and I were the only ones there the whole time. Keenan and Allie stayed Wed night. Kamiko came up on Wednesday night to visit. Keenan came back Friday night. Sarah East, who recently returned from her mission in Brazil, flew out from California. Kristen surprised everybody and flew out with her. That was awesome. Derek and Rachel surprised mom and dad and drove out with Rosie. Mom was about to have a heart attack from all the surprises. She eventually settled into the idea of every family being represented, except Kelly, who still resides in Michigan and has a new baby.

We had an ongoing 5 Crowns tournament. To participate, you had to play 5 games with 4 players in each game. We kept track of win/loss/tie records. The person with best win/loss stats won. Andrew won 1st, Karen got 2nd and I got 3rd. It's funny since most games I played in were forced by Karen, who was always looking for a 4th player.

I had make a crossword puzzle, "How Well Do You Know the Hunters." Did you know Scott Sykes has always wanted a ponytail? To him, it symbolizes freedom from responsibility and weighty church callings. Ha! Jenny brought candy for the candy bar game. We brought Skipbo cards. We had learned that game in Maryland, while staying with Fullmers. So, we played games, swam, sat around, shopped a bit, went on runs, etc. Oh, we ate a lot, too.

Scott made a funny observation when he arrived. He said, "I don't know why you don't just go to a Motel 6. You can just as easily play games there." Well, we let him know that Motel 6 doesn't have tables and chairs. We need room for our cards and snacks.

The cousins had fun hanging out together. On Friday evening, we had Deb's married kids and their kids come for a dinner. It was nice to see everyone. Clark couldn't make it, though.
Derek got permission to "work from home" so he set up shop in the living room

first of many 5 Crown games

 



Rosie at the pool


Kids playing candy bar game. Roll a 7 or doubles and you can pick a candy of your choice or steal from someone else.
Keenan, Chase and Connor Crockett, Emily and Jenny Sykes

Connor, Emily, Jenny, Elle and Karen Crockett

Melia, Sam Crockett and Andrew Sykes


Chase Crockett, Emily and Jenny Sykes, Elle and Karen Crockett, Melia, Sam Crockett and Andrew Sykes