 |
| First day of High School for Melia and LAST first day of High School for Allie |
 |
| UGH!!!!!!! It's here! |
 |
| Ok, we will calm down... |
Do I teach or tell the Gospel?
Tell: monologue, agreement-seeking, rescue and enable
Teach: delegate learning, encourage self-discovery
Interested: you engage others
Interesting: you talk about self
When you teach, aim for: neutral, safe, trust and respect
The most productive teachers ask questions; they don't give answers
The Savior asked questions that caused people to think and feel deeply. He was sincerely interested in their answers and rejoiced in their expressions of faith. He gave opportunities to ask their own questions and share insights.
Be more interested in WHAT is right; not WHO is right. Being right doesn't matter if the other person doesn't want to listen to you.
Seek to understand; not to download information
A manager works with things, budgets, payroll, projects, agendas
A leader works with people
Would you rather be trusted or be loved?
How to Help Youth Change/Reach Their Goals:
Alma 5:7 the ultimate key to change is the Savior
The things you try to control but can't, end up controlling you.
Help youth create new habits.
Identify habits that bring you closer to the Lord
Identify habits that pull you away from Him
Satan gets our agency when we disobey - we are in bondage D & C 10:27 (Satan's mission)
"The adversary frees us to bind us. The Lord binds us (gives us commandments) to free us."
Fixed mindset (Laman and Lemuel)
avoids failure
avoids hard things
avoids trying
Pushes back at feedback. I know
Dislikes others' success. I'm a failure. They got lucky
Growth mindset (Nephi)
uses failure as an opportunity to learn
wants hard challenges
not afraid to look foolish trying
accepts feedback
sees others' success as an opportunity to learn
Prepare kids for difficult times ahead 1N4:10 (Nephi didn't want to kill Laban)
Measure our own progress. Don't compare.
Adults should act/speak the way we want our youth to act and speak
Kids watch how I respond to adversity
How to get out of a fixed mindset:
1. Be aware
2. Remember that you have a choice
3. Replace with growth mindset
Help youth understand the Lord's timing. Most youth, in setting goals, underestimate:
1. How long it will take
2. How difficult it will be
Mormon Message: Living Beneath our Privileges
Teach kids to:
1. Aim high and be specific
2. Keep your eye on the prize. 80% of self talk is negative
3. Be positive, but real. The obstacles you face will show how badly you really want something.
4. Stop complaining. Focus on what you can control. Thoughts lead to emotions, lead to physiology, lead to performance. Put things in perspective. Be optimistic. Fight back at negative thoughts
5. Focus on the process. Avoid being overly results-oriented. Alma 37:6 (small and simple things)
Helping Your Husband Preside in Righteousness:
Harmony is being different together.
Criticism doesn't bring change; the gospel does
The Lord takes us where we're at (Moses). Will we take our spouse where he's at?
Praise for what people ARE; not for what they DO. Do vs. Be.
Frustration comes out of unmet expectations. Clarify expectations.
Work as partners; complementing competencies
Men talk for information. Women talk for interaction.
Men bond over an activity. Women bond around conversation.
"Nothing is particularly difficult if you divide it into small jobs" -Henry Ford
A mission is short months full of long days.
If we fall short, it's because we don't value the item, we aren't motivated, or we don't have the competency.
Christ-Centered Healing:
2 N 4:11. Thou hast brought me through mine afflictions. When triggers hit, turn to God.
Thoughts can provide a saving resource to help us OR they can create additional layers of pain.
Be mindful of negative thoughts about self, the world, the future. Recognize and eliminate negative thinking patterns that contribute to emotional distress (anxiety, depression, anger, stress, addiction).
Satan's strategies:
1. All-or-nothing thinking. instead of thinking of 0 or 10, think of a range of 0 to 10.
2. Self-blame. Instead, look at all contributors. Focus on what we can do.
3. should statements. Istead, reality check. If would be nice if..., but the reality is...; therefore, my most effective response could be...
4. mental filtering. Instead of focusing on the negative, have grateful awareness
5. Catastrophizing. Most of imagined stuff won't happen. don't jump to conclusions, mind read, fortune tell. Instead, come up with worst case, best case and most likely.
Feed your brain good food, great ideas, sociality, sunlight
Physical wellness: EASY. Eat whole, natural foods. Active lifestyle. Schedule sleep. know Y to be well.
1979 President Benson talk on "In his steps" 1974 President Benson "Do Not Despair"
The 3 P's
Perfectionism: things must be done now, to the highest standard. Instead, I can do this in chunks. Mistakes show I'm making progress. Good enough will have to be good enough.
Procrastination: I can't do this now. Maybe tomorrow. Instead, whether I like it or not, it needs to be done.
Paralysis: I can't do it. Instead, I can do this a little at a time. I can do some now and some tomorrow.
Male and Female Created He Them:
3x more neurological fibers connecting a woman's brain than a man's.
Man's brain is compartmentalized (waffles)
Woman's brain sees everything as interrelated (spaghetti noodles)
We are designed to complement each other.
Men: rational, focused, physical power, powerful voice
Women: fluidity in brain structure, talk circles around men, aware of subtle cues
Women talk to: share feelings, emotionally bond, seek and extend support, entertain selves
Men talk to: share information, solve problems, demonstrate competence, establish hierarchy
Men see straight ahead
Women see all around
Communicating well is a sacrifice. Men: be there and listen. Women: don't unload all at once.
Historically, men and women had separate lives; not anymore.
It's important to understand God-created differences. Love and appreciate people for who they are.
The level of misery in any relationship is equivalent to the amount of distance between expectations and reality.
We bought what the media told us. Fairytales, happily ever after
How relationships change over time. Stages of a relationship:
1. Honeymoon Stage: giving our best; but only part of self
2. Power Struggle: being true self. Resolved by: divorce, emotional disconnect or move on to #3
3. Conscious Marriage: work with differences. Re-ignite honeymoon stage. Love and be loved by the whole person.
Hormonal transition over a woman's lifetime:
1. Estrogen: teen years
2. Oxytocin: bonding hormone. Mothering years.
3. Midlife: estrogen decreases. Oxytocin decreases. Testosterone: who am I? What can I contribute?
The CORE of Trust:
Compassion
Openness
Reliability
Expertise
"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." - President David O. McKay
Trust is built through interaction:
Frequent
Personal
Positive
Low Risk
Why the creation in the temple?
Creating takes time, planning and effort. You can't skip steps or rush the process.
It's not what you say or do, it's who you are.
Matthew 26:20-22. Lord, is it I? When there are trust or communications issues, could it be me? or how can I improve things? "I can see how I'm contributing and this is how..."
blind spots: something others know about me, but I don't know about myself
People naturally seek to reduce vulnerability and uncertainty
Artificial harmony doesn't equal trust
Low trust relationships: little things become big things.
Cannot rush into high trust. If you have to push a conversation, the trust level isn't there.
State opinions honestly and respectfully. Most people don't really want to get their way; they just want to be heard.
Reward voluntary confession.
reliability = predictability
You don't have to be the best; be consistent
Moments of negligence are damaging. Normal reactions to a violation of trust are:
1. fear
2. depression/anxiety
3. humiliation/anger
4. health problems
Broken trust can leave permanent scars
Creation of new rules doesn't help re-build trust; it communicates distrust
Create rules in a non-emotional environment BEFORE events happen
Listen to Elder Holland's "Remember Lot's Wife"
Are Emotions Derailing Your Results?:
Must handle emotions first in conflict resolution. Negative emotions can cloud thinking.
Don't take the "low road":
reactive
unintentional
unconscious
irrational
reactive/protective
"high road":
proactive
intentional
conscious
rational
emotional reaction or defensiveness must be defused. when people are hot:
1. rationality is absent
2. meaning is masked
3. conversation goes nowhere
A person's emotion speaks volumes about them
Emotional reaction signals that a value has been violated
To defuse negative/hot emotions:
1. notice emotion
2. surface and reframe thinking: state emotion, observe your thinking, select the positive
Your emotions are a bridge to self understanding
3. change your emotion by changing thinking and movement
4. EASE the conversation. Emotion (tone, non-verbals), Stories (events, judgments, history), Aim (wants, expectations) or intention, Ego (how we esteem ourselves, image, respectability)
Ask questions:
I can see you're upset (emotion)
What's going on? (story)
What do you want? (aim)
What is most important? (ego)
This forces people out of low level thinking.
ABC's: apologize, build ego, clarify intent. Be honest and sincere.
No comments:
Post a Comment